When it becomes cold
There was time, and you with your partner were unseparable. Your couple shone with happiness, you didn’t want to come off from each other and suffered because of the minutes spent separately. However time doesn’t stand still. Someone in some months, and someone after several years of joint life starts noticing that your feelings to each other started cooling down if didn’t cool down any more.
Your joint life becomes very monotonous, it is difficult to find the general subjects for conversation because everything, apparently, was already told. In the relations there is no warmth, and there was only a habit. Perhaps, you also don’t quarrel, you live peacefully, but after all you feel some discomfort because of the distance formed between you. All this doesn’t allow you to feel happy the person, becomes empty in soul.
If you can tell everything higher described about the relations with the partner, on the person all signs of the arising or already arisen crisis in your relations. The similar phenomena not a rarity, after all in the world aren’t present the eternal phenomena.
According to the existing official statistics for the first ten years of joint life there is a majority of stains. If couple lived together more than fifteen, and even twenty years, divorce will be very unusual occurrence. It is rather natural, after all with age people learn to find a common language with other people, learn to forgive, be more tolerant. For youth similar lines aren’t so characteristic, youth is impatient.
What are we given the relations with the partner, why they are necessary? First of all the family relations are necessary for creation of a family and the birth of children. It is simple biology.
There are experts who consider that the family relations in principle aren’t calculated on durability. When we meet the partner, he seems to us nice because of splash in a hormone of oxytocin – a friendliness hormone. This hormone is always developed when the partner is friendly, and you feel mutual feedback.
Lovers treat all friendly because of oxytocin hormone. However, the similar biological prop lasts not for long. In 5-7 years this period passes. His termination is connected with that moment when the child who was born at couple reaches relative independence. The man (male) has to be near the woman (female) because of pure biology. After all differently the female and a cub will be lost. Many women try to prolong the cohabitation period the birth of several children. In certain cases it works. However sometimes on one biology far not to leave. The relations can be assimilated to a fire and in it it is necessary to throw firewood – experiences – various affective phenomena.
Let’s try deal with why our initial feelings disappear after the beginning of the matrimonial relations after a while.
So, before us two – he or she. At the very beginning of the relations they idealize each other and think that similar idyll will last eternally, the fire of their passion will never go out. But passes some time. Everything starts seeming to them a bit different. Someone even has a feeling that it was deceived. He or she not so are ideally suited each other that is connected with opening of those habits and features which were imperceptible at the first stages of the relations of couple. Pink glasses start falling down and young people understand that their life is similar to the fairy tale at all.
Understanding of that it, as well as many to other couples, it is necessary to meet difficulties, the fact of fading of feelings, causes rough reaction from young people. It is very often possible to hear: “But we not such, as. … We will have everything in a different way”. However reality such is that face the similar phenomena all.
Very few people from young people are ready to wave a hand on the events and even not to try to rescue the relations with each other. However, if one of partners shows obvious indifference and neglect to another, the question of preservation of the relations becomes especially sharp. Many have a doubt, and whether something is necessary in general in a similar situation to do? Maybe it would be more correct simply to leave?
But nevertheless before taking some steps, stop and think. Understand own feelings, try to understand that brought you and your partner into a similar situation. After all to decide on the reason is for 50% to solve a problem.
Thus it is important that both partners understood that in their relations something not so. Otherwise to correct current situation it will be very difficult.
Let’s decide on what reasons lead to strained relationship.
Don’t forget about care
One of the most common causes of fading of the relations is that cease to care about each other as earlier. The main belief is put into words: “Well I already won her / him. Why now to overstrain where he / and will get to?”. It is very widespread mistake of young people. Very often where the mutual care leaves, there is the same mutual disappointment and cold in the relations.
Solve problems together
The family relations aren’t so joyful, they may contain a large number of problems, from small, insignificant, to the large. Many young people, facing problems, try to solve them independently as was prior to the beginning of joint life when he or she one lived. It turns out that problems in a family the general, but one of partners doesn’t take part in their decision, he is removed on a background.
The similar situation isn’t really good. Family life assumes that everything what partners face, will be endured together, and not very well good it events or unpleasant incidents. Listen to each other, you share the experiences and then negative feelings of one won’t become unclear to another. This reception allows to pull together partners through mutual care and support.
Trust each other
Trust – very fragile thing. It is very easy to lose trust to the partner: someone won’t tell all truth, someone will lie, someone will be solved on change. Similar it can’t be constant secret. Everything ever will become known. Not only it is easy to lose trust, but also it is very difficult to restore. After all having burned time, the person doesn’t want to endure a similar negative once again.
The relations without trust are impossible. It is necessary to fight for him and in every way to try to restore him if nevertheless the mistake was made, and the trust was lost.
The main thing, despite existence of crisis of the relations, you shouldn’t wave a hand on current situation (if only you weren’t going to suspend relations). If you understand that the person is sincerely dear to you, you will make everything to keep yours with him the relations.