Love Hate Relationship


If to touch upon a subject of the relations, quite often psychologists face such phenomenon when people love and hate each other at the same time. Quite often such relation develops between relatives. Love hate relationship is the widespread phenomenon in modern society. Some experts carry it to psychological frustration. That to understand everything, we will consider this subject on the Urloveliness.

The person can have feelings. Some emotions are short-term, and others become constants. When it is about the relations, the subject of constant feelings is touched. People have to love each other daily during long times (at best – eternity). As soon as feelings pass, the union breaks up. Many are familiar and with such phenomenon which increases ambivalence of feelings even more:

    • On the one hand, the person feels fear of loss of darling.
    • On the other hand, the person endures hatred to the partner who offends him by something, humiliates, throws.

It is impossible to speak about the person, as about the robot which has to follow only one program. However also that state when the person we tear apart inconsistent desires, emotions or thoughts is called pathological. Where correct exit?


Experts say that to the person normally to change the thoughts, desires and an emotional spirit during all the life. However it occurs alternately. The state when he is torn apart by inconsistent experiences, is or a transition period (if it lasts some days), or a psychological deviation (when it lasts some months and even years).

What is the ambivalence?

It is peculiar to the modern person is in an ambivalent state. What is the ambivalence? This simultaneous experience of mixed feelings to a subject or the person. E. Bleyler entered this concept, meaning by him one of schizophrenia symptoms, dividing ambivalence on intellectual, strong-willed and emotional.

Emotional ambivalence is the most widespread in human life. She is shown in the dual attitude of the individual towards other person. In the child parental or love relations this phenomenon is the most widespread.

Strong-willed ambivalence is shown in impossibility to make a choice between two decisions. It occurs in a situation when both choice is equally significant and desirable. In such situation of people quite often makes the decision not to make a choice and to remain unresolved in a situation.

Intellectual ambivalence is shown in reflections of the person when interchange or opinions which he considers contradict each other.

Love Hate Relationship

One experts consider ambivalence as quite normal state of the person as in him it is possible to note at the same time thirst for life and interest in death. However for the happy and adjusted existence “love hate” is a barrier through which it is necessary to pass, differently the situation will even more be aggravated.

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The person chooses that corresponds to his state of mind. Children like to play games which correspond to their desirable way of life. The clothes get out that which corresponds to ideas of the person of happy life. Movies and transfers are looked through what transfer the mood reigning in the viewer. That is why people subconsciously read out information the friend from the friend during acquaintance and understand, new interlocutors are interesting to them or not.

People even choose to themselves darlings and business partners, friends according to those interests, views and a state of mind which is inherent in them. For example, the merry fellow won’t be able to find contact with the person which it is pessimistic looks at the world. Such people will never meet, and can only be crossed, but right there make the decision more never to see.


The person chooses that corresponds to his state of mind. How the person puts on? What likes to read, look? About what usually speaks with friends? With what people communicates? What places likes to visit? Look narrowly more attentively, and you will notice that everything, than the person of surrounds, corresponds to his state of mind, outlook, mood. You too choose the world according to sincere rushes. Look back and analyse yourself. It is possible that you “tighten yourself in a hole” despair and a grief that you choose people, you create events and you visit places which can’t give anything else to you. Be attentive to the environment as it is not simply reflection of your soul, but also influences you so that you forever remained in him.

Love hate of feelings

In human relations love hate of feelings rather often meets. This concept is defined by psychology as the inconsistent attitude of the subject towards object, a subject, the person and so forth. He at the same time accepts and tears away, refuses object of the feelings.

This term was introduced for the first time by the Swiss psychiatrist Bleyler who gave the characteristic of schizophrenia. However and at the ordinary person similar experiences are observed. Experts connect ambivalence with versatility of internal need which are had at one person, and a variety of world around which can attract and push away at the same time.


S. Freud considered this phenomenon as norm while it is shown by the short periods and isn’t bright. Otherwise neurosises start developing. The person can feel love and hatred, pleasure and displeasure, likes and dislikes at the same time. Quite often one feeling masks under another.

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In psychology there are two definitions to this phenomenon:

  • Ambivalence is a duality of feelings of the person to other individual, the phenomenon or an event. Often she is shown concerning objects which have ambiguous relation for the person. It differs from exclusively positive or negative emotions which some psychoanalysts interpret as idealization or depreciation of object. Thus, ambivalence of feelings is considered the normal phenomenon.
  • Ambivalence in psychiatry is considered as splitting of the personality who alternately has that one, opposite feelings.

Ambivalent feelings are emotions which the person tests at the same time.

The mixed feelings are the experiences shown alternately.

Striking examples of manifestation of ambivalence are the child parental relations and the unions of people in love. On the one hand the child can wish death to the parents, with another – to need them and sincerely to love. On the one hand partners can love each other, but along with it to understand that hate.


Than it can be explained? The duality of feelings can be explained to that in the person instinctive requirements and foundations of society which take root into the head of the person intertwine. We will take, for example, the love union where spouses love is hated each other.

    • On the one hand they are compelled to play roles of lovers as feel in it need. Perhaps, they don’t love any more each other but as remain together, are compelled to direct her on those who is nearby. It is possible to explain it with those foundations which are accepted in society where spouses have to love each other even if it not so.
    • On the other side of the spouse hate because of identification of situations when their darlings hurt them. Consciously they understand that them don’t love, and differently wouldn’t hurt. It causes hatred which they try to hide as can destroy by it that union which is accepted and encouraged with surrounding people.

Ambivalence arises when at the level of instincts, conscious desires, circumstances of a situation and foundations in society there are contradictions. The person is compelled to keep what isn’t present, thus constantly to test that in him periodically is caused.

Love hate relationship

To treat love hate relationship as to norm or pathology? It is necessary to understand that the person will always strive for definiteness. It does his life more harmonious and balanced, than situations of discrepancy, a duality. On the other hand it is necessary to remember the arising situations which simply provoke the emotions contradicting continuous experiences. It is normal, though is shown in a condition of love hate relationship.

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On the one hand the parent can love the child, with another – to sicken because of the fatigue which resulted from education of the kid. It is considered normal within a situation, however it is necessary to get rid of inconsistent experiences in their constant aspect that they didn’t develop frustration or a conflict event.

The person will be always inclined to ambivalence. It is connected with variety of the world in which it lives, the arising feelings which to him is inherent to endure, and situations which periodically occur. It isn’t necessary to consider a condition of a duality as something bad if it doesn’t last throughout all life. While the situation exists, the person can endure dual feelings. As soon as she passes, it is better to make the decision and to decide on own relation to an event.


One psychologists consider love hate relationship as a normal state as the person can accept inconsistent ideas, to get to choice situations, to have dual feelings. Other psychologists note that love hate relationship as the constant phenomenon in human life leads to various psychological frustration.

It is necessary to distinguish ambivalence from a vseprinyatiya when the person accepts a duality. Difference is that there is no bifurcation. For example, black and white aren’t perceived by the person as two opposite colors, and are considered as one color when one passes into another and vice versa.

Ambivalence is a clear split where feelings, thoughts and ideas are considered as the opposite. Acceptance — this association of allegedly inconsistent concepts in a single whole where they exist at the same time and each other isn’t contradicted, don’t disturb. Acceptance is a normal state which can last all life while ambivalence is considered a position which leads to development of frustration, neurosises and psychoses.


The person – a many-sided being. He is surrounded by the world which is full of various phenomena. As the person wishes to live in the world clear to him, he often seeks for division. So there are contrasts, contradictions which, according to the person, can’t exist at the same time and therefore have to bear exclusively positive or negative color. Ambivalence becomes the reason of neurosises because the person can’t accept that fact that he can love and hate at the same time. A result – a mental disorder. Only expansion of consciousness and acceptance bad and good as phenomena which can exist at the same time, will allow ambivalence to turn into the acceptance. When there is no division, there is an association even the phenomena contradicting each other.

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